How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
