You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can't put those talents on a resume
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
