I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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