its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
