She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
