I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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