I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
