He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
