The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You took a bar mat shot.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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