i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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