barbara walters just said penis...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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