Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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