What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
