I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
