Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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