I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
