She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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