Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
