i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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