it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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