Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
