I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
