I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
