yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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