yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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