I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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