tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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