I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
