Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
