Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
