okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
