So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
