You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
