you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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