11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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