Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
