So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
