my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
