you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
