Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
