i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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