I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
