Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
