Moan for me like Helen Keller
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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