I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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