im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm bleeding and have questions
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
