I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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