smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
