I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
