i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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