It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
