I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
