Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she smelled like a LAN party
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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