No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
