Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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